Sunday, May 27, 2012

Caught For The First Time

I'll never forget the first time I was caught wearing lingerie.  My mom and sister had gone to the store.  My dad was off somewhere for the weekend.  It was a Saturday, and they left me watching cartoons.  I guess they figured they could leave me alone by then.  I believe that I was around nine years old.  Anyway, as soon as I was confident that my mom and sister were gone, heart racing, I went to my mother's bathroom to see what was in her hamper.  I hit jackpot.  Every item of lingerie that I craved was in there.  I've posted this photo before, but this is the best example I have of what I was wearing that Saturday morning.



Anyway, I was in heaven.  I was all alone in our house, wearing my mother's lingerie.  I even snuck into her closet and found a pair of high heels to wear.  I knew my dad was gone for the weekend, so I wasn't concerned about him.  And I expected my mom and sister to be gone shopping for hours.  I practiced walking in her heels, constantly checking out my sexy form in her mirror.  I was having so much fun.  I decided to take things a step further too.  I went into her makeup drawer and found some red lipstick and put it on.  This was, by far, one of the best "dress up" sessions I'd ever had.  Little did I know how bad of a memory it was about to become.  You see, the thing about hiding your dirty little secret is, that sooner or later, you'll make a mistake.  And I did that day.  I lost track of time.  I sat down to watch some television.  I'll never, ever forget the feeling of panic that I felt when I heard the lock on the door to our den click, and realized someone was coming inside, and there was nothing I could do about it.  Normally, when I dressed up in my mom's lingerie, I stayed out of view of the front part of the house.  Then, I figured, if I heard anyone come in, I could quickly change and avoid detection.  I'd never cut it that close before, but at least I'd been prepared.  But not that day.


As I was sitting on our den couch, wearing my mother's lingerie, my mother and older sister burst in the door carrying their packages from their shopping trip.  I was speechless.  I stood up to run and hide, but it was obviously too late.  My sister was standing just behind my mother, a look of confusion on her face.  Looking back on it, I can understand why.  She was looking at her little brother dressed up in her mother's underwear, including her DDD bra stuffed full.  My mother's reaction was indecipherable to me - at least at first.  But it didn't take long to find out that she was not taking it well - finding her son dressed up like a sissy girl.


She slammed the door and began yelling at me like I'd never been yelled at.  That would have been enough to stop me from ever doing this again.  (Of course, that is completely wrong as it actually didn't stop me.  What I was doing was something I couldn't not do, as I eventually have learned.)  She ran at me and began beating me with her hand, completely out of control.  I was balled up in self defense.  She yelled at my sister to go get her a belt from my dad's closet.  I think my sister was scared to death as well.  She was only about fourteen.  And so she brought my mother the belt.  My mom folded it over and began beating me beyond any whipping I'd ever received, the whole time I'm still wearing her lingerie.  So this is happening in our den, in front of my sister, with me crying and pleading for mercy.  I was telling her I was sorry and that I'd never do it again.  And she didn't stop.  She just screamed that she was going to make sure I'd never do anything so perverted again.


She beat me and beat me until she was exhausted.  Then she told me to go take off her lingerie, put it back where I found it, and then to go to my room.  I was happy to do that.  I never wanted to be seen again.  I stayed in my room all day.  Later, my mom came in to talk to me.  I couldn't look her in the eye, but she made me.  She wanted to know why I did it.  I couldn't explain it.  All I could say was, "Just because," which, of course, is no explanation.  In the end she made me promise to never do it again.  She also told me she wasn't going to tell my dad, as he would never understand.  I was eternally grateful to her for that.  Just facing her and my sister was torture.  My sister never said a word to me.  I think my mom must have told her not to.  And so, in time, we moved on.  But I couldn't resist the pull.  Eventually, I did it again.  But I was so much more careful.  This photo isn't exactly what it looked like, but it is close.  She beat me almost raw. 


The next time I was caught dressed en femme, it was my wife.  I'll tell that story some other time.

17 comments:

  1. Wow! Incredible story Leeanne! I think all of us sissies were caught dressed up in our mother's or sister's lingerie or clothes. I was scolded, but never beaten. My sister -- a year older --caught me first in her short dress and panties after having suspicions that I was getting into her drawers. My mother walked in on me later when I again was wearing a dress. I think we all have been there!

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    1. This memory is one I try to repress. Unfortunately, it has never gone away completely. It only leaves me alone for a while. But I will never forget the day it happened.

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    2. I never got caught dressed. I got caught with my stash. Like you it was horrible I can't imagine what it would have been if wearing it.

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  2. Wow. Picturing it all.
    Was not caught growing up, but was by my wife.
    I'm just picturing all the stuff you went through... wow!
    Hug,
    Sara

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  3. Thank you for sharing this painful memory with us, Leeanne. I hope it does you some good to share it, too! While I was never caught dressed, I'm sure my mom knew about my dressing - but thankfully never confronted me about it. I'm so sorry about the beating, especially in front of your sister, and hope that the emotional scars will heal as well as the physical ones did.

    Kisses & Curtseys,
    Sissy Maid Tami

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    1. I've been thinking of this again lately. Sadly, the emotional scars never have healed. I have given up hoping they will.

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  4. Dear Sissy Maid Tami,
    Thank you for your sweet note. I'm happy to report that I'm not terribly emotionally scarred. At least you can't tell by looking at me. And the physical injuries healed in time but reliving in the telling was difficult. But, all things considered, I'm glad I told the story.

    Hugs,

    Leeanne

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  5. Leeanne,
    Having been the subject of many belt beatings growing up, my heart breaks as i read this. i know the pain. my own beatings were also not hidden from family members, or even my own friends. Sometimes i wonder if this isnt the source of the desire for humiliation...

    There is no excuse for that kind of treatment. i believe if she knew then how those days affected me.... maybe she would have made different decisions.

    About 2 yrs ago, i remembered my own short-lived time as around 12yrs when i would dress in my Moms undies and bras... when the memory came back i remembered the sneaky thrill of dressing when she was out, admiring my form in her full length mirror as i wanked.

    The memory is my own proof that i was this way long before my recent self-rediscovery.... a sissy from the beginning.

    Thank you for sharing this. Only by remembering can we hope to find some peace.

    **kisses!**

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    1. Dear nicolette,

      Wow! I don't know what to say. Reading your comment, and what happened to you. Your opening up to me to make me feel better. An actual tear came to my eye. You are a sweet girl. Thank you so much.

      Hugs,

      Leeanne

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  6. wow that's some spanking you took leeanne, as you say i can understand where your mother was comming from at that stage in your life and i suppose you were very lucky she never told your father
    frank29278
    xxx

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  7. I know better than to disparage someone's mom. However, I will go this far... I don't think to much of her as described in your story. Nine years old and take a beating like that? Spanks and asks questions later? When you don't look before you leap you often have to do penance.

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    1. My mother was a good mother and still is. She had a tough upbringing and I think seeing her son like that just threw her off balance and she lost it. I'm not saying I deserved the beating. But i know my mom well enough to know that she didn't do it to abuse me, even it may have technically constituted abuse. I have long since forgiven her. I love her.

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  8. Leeanne,
    Thank-you so much for telling your story. It brought back some memories of my first forays into crossdressing and sneaking into my mums drawers to find the sexy clothing therein. When i eventually got caught with ladies clothes in my bedroom, I don't think I was beaten although my Dad was a fan of bending me over the sofa and going at my bottom with a slipper for the mildest infraction, so maybe I was.

    I will remember my mums reaction though. Whilst being very upset and tearful she said "Do you want us to get you some of those things?", "huh?" I replied. "You know, that they advertise on TV". Eventually I realised she was referring to condoms. To this day I don't know how a condom was supposed to help!

    I then had to endure a trip to the doctors to determine if I needed 'help'. Being a teen and not really understanding why I did what I did, I just said what they wanted to hear and promised not to do it again. That didn't take though and eventually I went back.

    I still wonder what may have happened had my parents reacted in a supportive way (yeah! like that was going to happen!). I know understand that the repression they had placed on me throughout my childhood was coming out and the crossdressing is a way I can feel sexy, desirable and attractive. Outside my own head, a few people have said that, but no-one has ever shown an interest in me as a person they're attracted to.

    I'm yet to find out if the crossdressing will stop should I ever get a partner or if it is truly a part of me. I suspect i'll be wondering that till the day I die.

    Anyway, thank-you so much for sharing your story. I've not got very far into it yet, but i'm hoping you have found happiness.

    Coleen

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    1. Dear Coleen,

      I have just been re-reading some comments and came across yours. I hope you are well. One thing you said jumped out at me - that you wondered or hoped that maybe if you found the right person your urges to dress as a woman would stop. I don't think these urges ever go away. At least, they haven't for me. Maybe it will be different for you. Best of luck

      Kisses,

      Leeanne

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  9. i remember reading this Leeanne and now, years later i want to finally tell you how much i wanted to hug you after reading this that first time....here's that hug for you.

    love,

    sissy terri

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