Thursday, May 17, 2012

These - Where It All Started

Vanity Fair Lace Nouveau Nylon Brief
These were my first.  They were all that my mother ever wore.  (I suspect she still does.)  Which meant, of course, that there was always a pair or two available in her dirty clothes hamper.  How old was I?  I can't say for certain.  My memory of sneaking - yes - sneaking - into her bathroom and removing a pair of these exciting panties is strong.  I'll never forget it.  But my precise age, I cannot recall.  I do recall where I lived though.  And from that, I can say that I was seven or eight years old.  That much I'm certain of.

I can vividly recall the moment.  I sorted through my mother's dirty clothing.  I wasn't just looking generally either.  I knew what I was after.  And when I found them, my heart was racing.  Pounding out of my chest with excitement and fear.  Excitement over touching these shiny, soft, slick, nylon panties.  Fear of getting caught.

The questions I've asked myself over and over and over as an adult, reflecting back upon those first times, revolve around the initial draw to feminine lingerie.  I was just a little boy.  And my mother was no wild woman.  She was beautiful.  And still is.  But it wasn't as though I was exposed to overt sexuality.  But something made me, a seven or eight year old boy, want - no - need - to feel, smell, wear, my mother's panties.   That's right.  I sniffed them.  I was captivated by the unmistakeable scent of woman.  And, I still am, which probably explains why, when it comes to pleasing women, I am so much more comfortable doing it with my mouth than with my clitty.

The other big question for me is, how did a seven or eight year old boy know that it was wrong?  How could an innocent child know that it was wrong to sneak into his mother's dirty clothes and remove her underwear?  I couldn't know.  But, make no mistake, I knew.  I knew that a boy who did such a thing was no boy.  He was something else.  And we all know what that something else is.  I didn't have the vocabulary then to put a name to it.  But I knew what I was.  I knew what kind of boy stole his mother's nylon undies, sniffed them, and then put them on and wore them.  Put on multiple pairs so that the layers of nylon could be rubbed against each other, creating that feeling on my little boy penis that I have never stopped being drawn to.  Even now, as I type this, I'm wearing a pair of Vanity Fair Lace Nouveau panties.  Only now, I'm lying in bed next to my wife, and I'm also wearing a bra filled with breast forms and a pink Miss Elaine nightgown.

But then, when I did it the first time, and then the other times when I repeated my pilfering, I wasn't a boy when I wore my mother's panties.  I was a little girl.  That was what I felt.  That was how I saw myself.  I put on the panties, and immediately, the face I saw in the mirror wasn't a little boy.  It was a pretty girl.  I can even remember my mother's friends, and store clerks where my mom would take me shopping with her, saying how I was so pretty that I should have been a girl.  Coincidence?  I don't think so.  But I wasn't a girl then.  And I'm not one now.  I know what I am.  And have always been.

My taste in panties has far surpassed my first exposure to my mother's Lace Nouveau, but those were my first, and remain one of my favorites.  I read in a lingerie store ad that they are making a big comeback because they are great for women to avoid showing panty lines.  But I digress.

What was wired into my DNA at birth that made a little boy who knew nothing about such things to be drawn to wear his mother's nylon panties, and to know that it was wrong to do so?  How wrong?  I'd carefully remember where within the hamper I removed each pair from.  I remembered, roughly, how they lay.  And when I returned them, I was careful to put them back right where I found them - as if anyone who tosses their dirty underwear into a hamper actually marks the spot and would know - just know - if someone had moved a pair.  Shoot!  I still know it is wrong.  Otherwise, my family would know.  My friends would know.  My work colleagues would know.  That I wear panties all - of - the - time.  Every day.  The reason I don't let anyone know is that I don't want them teasing me.  Calling me a sissy.  Just like when I was a little boy.

It wasn't much longer after I took that first step that I was caught for the first time.  And when I tell about that, you'll understand how well I was taught just how wrong it was for a boy to where girls' underwear.  And you'll also understand just how strong the draw was, and still is, for me.  Because I never stopped wanting to - needing to - wear panties - and much, much more.

15 comments:

  1. I completely understand dear. I grew up in a similar way, except that my mom encouraged me to explore my feminine side. Started me in ballet at 5, and being a hairdresser, she wouldn't cut my baby curls till they reached my waist. I was always the smallest person in the room, and still am petite, so I have always been mistaken for a girl. I was teased continually by classmates for being such a femmy boy....both boys and girls. The girls gsve me backhanded compliments though.... " a boy doesn't deserve to have hair that pretty"..... I have always been so happy to have had long hair all of my life.
    Thanks for your sharing........
    LOve
    Jayme

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    1. Jayme,

      Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad you are following my blog. I hope there are others whose memories of their first time in panties is recollected so fondly. Alas, my mother's reaction wasn't quite like yours. But that story is reserved for a separate blog entry. Stay tuned.

      Hugs,

      Leeanne

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    2. Jayme: Looks like you would have failed as a real boy -- as I did. I have lived as a submissive sissy and since it was the way I was destined to be I did not fight it and thus I did not have too many struggles with it except for the usual and expected harassment by kids who did not understand.

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  2. Leanne- These are my fav masturbation panties, too (and sleeping... so comfy!!)
    Have a pair on now (oops!) :)
    I too wonder how I knew so early that this would be my fate.
    Hugs, Sara

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  3. Interesting Sara. I agree. No other panties feel so nice rubbing against my little clitty. Thanks Vanity Fair! I'd love to hear more about your situation.

    Hugs,

    Leeanne

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    Replies
    1. Leeann: I was fortunate in that I had not one but two older sisters and plenty of panties suitable for teen girls to "borrow." My one sister was just a year older and we were around the same size for panties, bras, dresses, etc.

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  4. Leanne- Thanks for your reply. And yes, thanks for VF! :)
    I appreciate that you're putting your story up... lots sounds familiar.
    I am only out to my wife, no one else knows my girlish ways!
    Mostly a lingerie dresser, harder dressing more with kids in house.
    Of course, I have some chores and get disciplined, as you can tell by my moniker!
    Hugs, Sara

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    Replies
    1. Dear Sara,

      WE sound familiar indeed. And you seem very nice. Thanks for reading and commenting.

      Hugs,

      Leeanne

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  5. leeanne i'm glad i've found your blog and rather than seeing you as a girl, i see you as a women x
    frank29278

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    Replies
    1. Dear frank,

      Thank you so, so much!

      Kisses,

      Leeanne

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  6. my pleasure leeanne xxx
    frank29278

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  7. Leeanne -- I was much later to the discovery, but it was exactly the same essential experience you so well describe. In my case, the wife was away on business. To pass the time, put on her Vanity Fair Lace Nouveaus as a curious lark. As I pulled the panties up my legs, my heart raced and I actually got a minor bit short of breath. When I pulled them up over my boy parts and let the high waist band settle around my middle, I felt hit by lightning. My cock jerked up at full attention and I swooned at the feel and visual of it. I was standing in front of the mirror with a wicked teen-aged erection holding all that smooth wonderful nylon tented a mile (so it seemed) in front of me. The lace on my hip, the high cut waist, the soft girly nylon over my parts, and the unknown thrill of wearing girl’s panties.

    No matter how much I attacked my erect self, I could not get soft in the sensuous and feminine panties. I must have done the deed a half dozen times in one day. All in my new girly brief panties.

    That started me on the slippery slope into lingerie, skirts, camis and dresses. And as importantly, to my understanding of what a sissy was. I’m a happy driven and successful male, but my sissy side defines my sexual self. I never want to have sex without first getting dressed. And I used to lust after girls in their slinky cloths, now I lust after their cloths, not the girl. Funny eh?

    When I cavort with my wife, I’m always the submissive girl happily pleasing my wonderful wife. I always attend to her needs first, and I’m so happy when I please her. Doing this for her as her sissy panty and bra wearing husband is now who I am.

    And it all started with those darn Vanity Fair panties.

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  8. Leanne, My first pair of panties were also my mommies, i "found" them when i was 11 or 12. I "snuck" them out of mommies pantie drawer and never thought she would know, HA! She did. However,they were so smooth and soft in my hands i could hardly wait to put them on. I raced into the bathroom stripped, stepped into Her panties and slowly drew them up my hair less legs, up and over my cock and balls , ohh, the exciting feeling of my first panties. I got an erection immediately and masturbated with and in them right then. As i ejaculated into mamas panties I knew I would do this over and over again, and i did. Even after mama caught me and had daddy beat my bare ass with his belt i continued. Today I buy my own panties (Fruit Of The Lomb)and wear them either alone or under my "male" clothes. I wish I could do this out in the open, lingerie brings the feminine side of me out and is good for me. Who knows, if mama had not been so strict about her little sissy boy not wearing her girls clothing, I might not have wanted to, but she was and I did. Today, I love my panties and lingerie and would not stop wearing them for anything. Love and kisses, billie

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  9. Leanne, as a male that wishes to become th female he was really born to be and of course under a Dr's. supervision, would you suggest that I take female hormones to alter my body to fit my mind set? My "maleness"is so ugly and I do want to be the most perfect feminine person there is. Please help me out here. Thank you, billie

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