Monday, October 23, 2017

It's Over (At Least For Now)

[NOTE - Anyone who is just beginning to read my blog might want to read the following early entries in my blog about my sissy journey before reading this latest entry: A Little More Background - Am I Sure I Should Do This? - I'm Afraid - These - Where It All Started - Then, These - Miss Flo - Caught For The First Time - About My Last Post - Bikini Panties!!! - A Virgin Bride (And Groom) - Exhausted Sissy Needs Stress Relief! - Sissy Marries Cheerleader - Sissy Makes Life With Cheerleader - Cheerleader Discovers Sissy - Cheerleader Accepts Sissy - Cheerleader And Sissy Grow - Cheerleader Asserts Control - Cheerleader Teases Sissy - Cheerleader And Sissy Settle In To New Home - Cheerleader Cucks Sissy - Cheerleader and Sissy Are Mentored - Sissy Offers Context For Cheerleader - Sissy Sees Her Future - Sissy Adapts To Chastity - Sissy And Cheerleader Spend A Weekend Apart – Our Weekend Apart Aftermath  Cheerleader Has A Heart-To-Heart With Sissy - Sissy And Cheerleader's Last Weekend With Andrea - Part One - Sissy And Cheerleader's Last Weekend With Andrea - Part Two - Cheerleader Thanks Sissy - Cheerleader Does A Sleepover - How My Cheerleader Vets Men - Cheerleader Flirts - With Purpose - Cheerleader Is A Happy Girl - Cheerleader Learns  Juggling Isnt Easy - Cheerleader Gets An Itch - My Cheerleader's Summer of Contentment – My Cheerleader and Her Quarterback -  Cheerleader and Sissy Reach Accord (And Satisfaction) - Sissy Catches Up, Cheerleader Goes Sailing - Discovered! - It Was Bound To Happen Sooner Or Later - Quarterback Discovers Leeanne - I Have Good News. And News - Quarterback Is Visiting For Labor Day - Cheerleader Speaks - My New Sissy Life - Kittens Love Cream - Sissy Belongs to Cheerleader - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Bath Time - Christmas Shopping Visit Summary - Cheerleader and Sissy's Christmas Surprise - We're Going To Mexico! - Mexico - Day One - First Full Day In Mexico - Day Two - Mexico Heats Up- Day Three - Sissy Confessions- Day Four in Mexico - Surprise Visitors to Mexico - Day Five - Sissy Gets A Reprieve - Day Six - Opening Day And An Explanation.  These are the previous posts that tell the story about my sissy journey.]
This is Cheerleader writing.  I thought I should be the one to break this news.  I know many of the people who read Leeanne’s blog have been wondering why she hasn’t written anything about our life lately, and especially why she never finished writing about our trip to Mexico last February.  I take responsibility for that.  I didn’t want her to share what happened the last day and night.  Then, after we returned home, things were going on that I needed to figure out and, until recently, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.  We sort of lumbered along doing things, more or less, as we had been.  But things were not quite right and I knew it.  So did she I suppose, but she has become so accustomed now to me calling the big shots in our life that she was not going to say anything as long as she thought I was happy with our circumstances.
As I know many of the readers of Leeanne’s blog are aware, I haven’t always endorsed her sharing our life story here.  After my ex-husband (I know, Leeanne refers to him as Quarterback, which was kind of cute I suppose, but I don’t, and I’m not using his name) and I reunited in an intimate way, thinks sort of went off in a direction that I was never completely sure about.  I know this will sound like me attempting to justify my behavior, but I really do think this is the truth - I was blinded by the sex.  I don’t even know how to explain this, or whether it matters if I do, but I’m going to try because I want to be fair to Leeanne and don’t want her to have to defend me or try to explain something that she probably couldn’t if she tried.
I have to go back to the beginning to explain some of this.  As Leeanne wrote in her blog when she first told me about her “sissy” nature, I was not happy.  I have always seen myself as a very “normal” woman and have never thought of being with anyone like Leeanne.  I assure you she wasn’t like that when we met and married, so I was not happy when she dropped that bomb on me a few years into our marriage.  But the problem was, she is a good person.  She was good to my sons from my first marriage.  She was good to me.  In short, I loved (love) her.  I realized I couldn’t just quit on our marriage when she told me I was married to someone different from whom I thought I married.  So, I stuck it out and, as you know, even tried to see what it was all about.  And believe me when I tell you that was not easy.  When we first experimented with her wearing lingerie to bed I was uncomfortable, and for more than one reason.  I wasn’t sure how I felt about being with a man dressed in women’s clothing.  That seemed weird to me.  I know that might sound judgmental, but it is how I felt at the time.  The other thing I found uncomfortable was that I found myself enjoying it on a certain level.  I couldn’t explain it then, but I know now what it is.  I enjoyed the sense of control, and then later came to enjoy the sense of freedom I received from Leeanne by letting her blossom as the feminine person she is.
Things were fine for a while.  I came to accept her and became more comfortable with her as my sexual partner.  Then came her fantasy games.  Bringing up me being with other men.  Again, I was uncomfortable at first.  But, again, as we fantasized about it out loud more and more, the more I began to wonder – what would that be like?  I am not going to go into detail about how we got started down the road we’re on now – Leeanne has done a very detailed job of telling that story.  I’m just stating that we did not get here so much because of me – in my opinion – but rather because of her.  Nonetheless, the relationship with my ex-husband has become a bit heavy for me to manage.  He slowly began exerting more and more control over me, and us.  For a while, I think I enjoyed relinquishing some of the control I had been exercising in my marriage to Leeanne.  It has been a burden on me.  But it became more obvious to me as we moved forward that he was having more influence upon my (and our) life than I was comfortable with.  And so I decided it was time to take a break – a long break – and maybe even a permanent one.  If you wonder how my ex-husband reacted, I will tell you he wasn’t happy about my decision.  However, despite the control he had been exercising over me and Leeanne, the one thing he understood from me throughout our reuniting was that I ultimately know my own mind and that, once I made this decision, he wasn’t going to change my mind.
This does not mean I will stop seeing men.  Oh no!  That isn’t being rolled back.  It might even result in a few new men in our life.  I don’t know.  I just know I don’t want any one man taking control of the life I have with Leeanne.  I just want the, well, sex.  And male companionship.  And Leeanne will continue to be my sissy.  My sissy.  Not my ex-husband’s sissy. 
One more thing.  I’m going to relent and let her finish telling about our Mexico trip.  It was momentous and I feel bad that Leeanne has not been allowed to tell her readers about it.

Cheerleader



15 comments:

  1. Thank you for letting us know how things have been. I am sure we are all glad that you have come to a decision about your relationship and how Leeanne has the privilege to continue to be your sissy.

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  2. Cheerleader
    Thank you for your honest and thoughtful post. Neither you nor Leeanne owe us anything. We are privileged to have glimpsed those parts of your life and journey that you have so freely shared but, regardless of how keenly any one of us may want to know more, it is your (private) life and our personal wishes or expectations are irrelevant. Nonetheless your update is much appreciated.

    I look forward to hearing of the end of your Mexico adventure and wish to thank you in advance for allowing Leeanne to share it.

    Best wishes to you, Leeanne and whoever you choose to bring into your life.

    With much gratitude
    Al

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    1. Dear Dheerleader
      I've been thinking about your post for the last couple of days. My appreciation for your and Leeanne's sharing remains however I've also come to have a much deeper appreciation for the journey you have taken together.

      Those of us who have followed Leeanne's blog, at least from my perspective, get to enjoy the sexy, erotic, passionate and kinky aspects of your relationship. Something like a ""reality TV" sex show in blog format. Although sissy has touched on it in her re-counting of your unfolding relationship, your own words have resonated with me in a strong way. I'm speaking of your, sometimes difficult, adjustment from a more typical marital relationship with a man to the point you've reached today with your loving sissy cuckold. I for one, have tended to just accept that as part of the context for the "story" I'm following but your words have made me realize how challenging that transition must have been.

      I have a deep respect for the journey you've taken together and the obvious deep connection you have maintained, perhaps even enhanced, throughout. It's a path I suspect few could navigate successfully.

      Kudos, respect and enduring best wishes to both of you and, as always, a deep appreciation for you willingness to share in this public forum.

      Resectfully
      Al

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    2. P.S. Obviously I need to do a better job at proof reading. Apologies for the typos.

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  3. Cheerleader,

    Thankyou so much for that blog. When I saw the "headline" I panicked, thinking maybe your marriage was over !! - I'm so happy with your decision - I was always worried about your relationship with your ex, and the alpha male dominance he exerted over you.

    As you say, Leeanne has always cared for you and loves you deeply. He/she has given you the freedom to have sex with "normal" men, without it affecting your marriage or your long-term relationship. You in turn have allowed Leeanne to be herself.

    You have my total respect and admiration.

    Love Tanya xxxxx

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  4. Cheerleader, not that long ago my wife began a somewhat steady relationship with her lover, Mark. Slowly he became, more and more, a part of our life....
    He began to exert his power, first over me which was OK given my subby nature, but then over her too!!!
    I honestly don;t think that he considered that we ever talked about him but we did.....he had become a problem in our relationship.....
    At first she tried to just slow it down bit it was obvious to both of us that he wanted more and finally she ended it!!!
    We are both better off for it!
    I have fretted over your affair with your ex since the first time my sweet Leeanne wrote about it.....
    I have always thought it was a bad idea for both of you....for your marriage....for some women it's hard to separate the sex from the love but the sex is momentary.....the love is forever!!!!
    I only know you both through the words you have shared with us all....but I honestly love you.....both....and I have to tell you.....the title of this post filled me with absolute dread!!!!
    Please take the time, every day, to love one another and be happy together!!!!
    Love you both!!!!
    Kaaren

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    1. BTW Sweetie.....I'm sorry..,the end of any relationship is hard....
      I recommend ice cream....lots....while Leeanne kneels between your legs and....
      When my wife ended her time with Mark it was ice cream and orgasms.....she laughs about it now.....but I think it helped and I'm pretty sure Leeanne would be more than willing step up....
      Love
      Kaaren

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  5. Wow... What to say?? Perhaps Kaaren voices my thoughts best though. It's been pretty obvious from Leeanne's writings that something was "off" and I can't tell you how happy I am to know that you've resolved the issue that was causing so much pain. I keep thinking about a burr under a horse's saddle... There... Annoying... Causing constant, nagging irritation for the horse... And thinking about how good it must feel when the burr is finally removed. I'm not likening QB to a burr in any way - it's not my place to disparage QB or anyone else - but the relationship you had with him just didn't work out as you hoped it might. I am a sissy gurl. Just like Leeanne. And your Leeanne has been my inspiration! You're a special woman, and Leeanne is just special! I wish you both all the best, I'll be thinking about you a lot, and - as Kaaren says: "Love you both!"
    Lauren

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  6. Thank you so much for stepping in and letting us all know what was going on. I was worried about what might be over, and now I feel guilty for feeling so relieved at your expense, but it sounds like you and Leeanne have come to grips with a lot of things that would break, not just test another marriage.

    Here's to a happier, more rewarding future to you both, and thank you again for sharing (and allowing Leeanne to continue to share).

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  7. Dear Cheerleader,

    thank you for your open words and thoughts. We are happy that things become in a right order know. Hope Leeanne will answer all these questions soon, I wrote before, it must be fun to see her counting her Sissy shoes and much more. The questions are only a few entry's backwards at the nice black guy with this huge dick. Looking forward for new adventures and much more Sissy things in your life and of course nice adventures with men, as lot as you can handle.

    Kisses Lady Sonja

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  8. Dear Miss Cheerleader, curtsy.

    Coming from a sissy's point of view I understand fully your trepidation of living with a submissive, feminine soul such as Leeanne. We are an odd lot and that oddity is actually part of the fuel. The fact that you not only live with Leeanne but love her too is a testament to your strength. It sounds to me like you are living your life as you wish to live it, on your terms. Its not a straight road and from what I've read (the whole story) you have been choosing your own path all along. Just as you are now. Apparently you are a beautiful woman. It is obvious your are a bright woman. And without a doubt a loving, caring woman. I believe all of your action are your privilege. I think you should continue living your life just as you have been doing so; in control of yours and leeanne's. I admire you.

    With respect and a curtsy, fifi

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  9. Thank you for sharing the decision, and I look forward to hearing both about what happened and what you and your sissy get up to in the future.

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  10. Thank you for sharing! I know this blog wasn't Cheerleader's first choice, but I fully appreciate whatever you choose to share. Not all of us get these grand adventures and to not all hear about it, but also how it affects both Leanne and cheerleader is a boon to all us readers. I look forward to reading more

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  11. I have always felt that one main man was a danger, even when seeing other men and I believe you've made a wise choice in at least backing off for the moment. I had concerns about one man my wife was seeing for close to two years even though she was seeing other men at the same time. Because I traveled frequently for work, we were basically intimate on weekends and she with him during the weeks. She was spending more nights per week with him than with me and I felt it was going to become a real danger to us. Thankfully it ended due to a move on his part. There was another really popular blog on here where the wife was seeing a man who was her sole sexual partner. That blog disappeared suddenly and I hope it wasn't what I feared was going to happen causing the disappearance, that the wife became too deeply involved with the lover and not enough with her husband. Cheerleader, I applaud you for making what was, I'm sure, a difficult decision. Still seeing multiple men I'm sure will keep both you and Leeanne happy but not seeing Quarterback should reassure Leeanne that she is first in your love.

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  12. What is It?
    First, I join your many readers in thanking you for sharing your lives. I find the journey capturing. Second, I join many readers in being pleased that QB may be out of the picture.
    But here comes the question. "It's Over... at least for now", what is it? Is it CL's relationship with QB? Is it's LeeAnne's ability to share her journey? Fortunately, the it does not appear to be LeeAnne's marriage with CL. I for one will love to see how that journey continues.
    So if the It is goodbye to QB, let's hope that is for a long time and we look forward to the journey of LeeAnne and CL. However, if It is the end of LeeAnne being able to continue to share her story, then I for one, will be very sad. I will miss you both.
    Kisses and enjoy your lives.
    Billie Cee

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